THE PURSUIT OF THAT WHICH IS EVERYTHING

A gentleman woke up late one morning hungover, feeling like he'd lost a fight with a professional boxer. As he raised his head, he saw his clothes from the night before, washed, ironed and neatly folded on a chair beside the bed. After much painful effort, he got up and stumbled to the dresser where he saw a note from his wife that read, "Good morning Honey. Your breakfast is ready, you just need to microwave it." He stopped at the bathroom to do something meant only for that room. As he stood there looking into the mirror, he observed a shiny black eye and a bump on his forehead. Stumbling and almost falling down the stairs, he went to the kitchen where his favourite breakfast of sausages, eggs and pancakes was sitting on a plate near the microwave and another note from his wife, "Honey, just heat this up and enjoy. The coffee should still be fresh." He poured a cup of the coffee while waiting for the microwave to shut off. Just as it did, his son came up from the basement. "Jack," said the man to his son, "What happened last night?" "Well," Jack began, "You got home at about a quarter after 3 this morning, threw up all over yourself, fell into the coffee table and smashed it into a million pieces... That's how you got that lump on your forehead. Then you tripped on the stairs and smacked into the bedroom doorknob which resulted in your black eye." "I, ... I'm a little confused..." the man stammered. "You say I came home drunk, threw up, smashed the coffee table, fell on the stairs and generally made a fool of myself?" "Yep" was the reply. "But... Why are my clothes all clean, my favourite breakfast all prepared, and fresh coffee? Your Mother should be livid!" "Oh, that!" said Jack. "Mom got up, mad as hell and tried to help you to bed. She got your smelly shirt off you but when she tried to take off your pants you said, 'Leave me alone... I'm married!' "

Cab ride home: $28.00